Change is uncomfortable. Is that because we are creatures who crave the comfort of a standard form, or because we have that lazy gene and like it when we don't have to try hard? I don't have the answer, and if you asked me last week I would say that I liked change. Maybe I am a rabble-rouser or an agent of change, or just an individual who is easily bored, but I would say change can be good.
Why am I thinking about change right now? I think it is because I am currently taking a course that is causing me to question my status quo, and it is hard. And messy. And I am feeling uneasy about it. Maybe it is more authentic to say that I like to be the one in control of my change; the setting, time, breadth and depth of it. When I publicize what changes I have made, I am the change maker ready to help others rise to this challenge as well.
But not this week, this week I am the squeaky wheel, the naysayer, the "but, what about ...." and I am distressed by this. Does this mean I was fraudulent in the past, I'm not that change advocate? Or maybe it depends of what I am changing, what area of my life is undergoing change.
Maybe by next week I will feel like a change maker again, ready to lead the charge, but not right now. Not today... today I need contemplation, and reflection, not persuasion and coercion.